Being brought up with colourful beginnings, I saw and faced a lot in my younger years. Cutting straight to the chase, I lost my mum to suicide when I was only 14, waking up one morning to find her dead. Prior to that, life wasn’t all that picture perfect either. 

I grew up with domestic violence, being passed around among family, and never really having any safety or stability. At seven years old I was kidnapped and separated from my mother. I spent most of my life disconnected from my dad, so my grandfather was the closest thing I really had to a father figure. At age 12 he passed away from lung cancer. Although he had his share of demons, dealt drugs and was in and out of prison, he was still the closest thing I had to a caring adult so his loss really rocked me to my core.

As a teen after my mum passed I experienced homelessness a lot. I often floated between places and family members who were struggling themselves. There were many cold New Zealand winter evenings spent sleeping under bridges or in abandoned sheds because I had nowhere else to go.

It’s fair to say I had no respect for life. I had no respect for others, for women, love, friendships, anything. I couldn’t trust anyone or anything, and basically didn’t give a f*ck about much. I was addicted to alcohol and drugs for some time, been in a lot of fights, and also done some other crazy shit I’ll keep off the record. I have lost people just as fast as I’ve gained them, and have felt deeply alone more times than I can count. I have failed at many things, including two attempts at taking my own life when I was 15.

But with every dark side there is a lighter one, and for me it’s my children. I’m a proud father of three children – two beautiful teenage daughters and my son who is seven. My eldest daughter was from my first relationship. Having her young and separating soon after meant I spent four years in Family Court fighting to see her, inclduing eight months with no contact at all. 

My second relationship lasted 14 years, and is where I had my two other children. Again, being young and having no real idea of what a family looks like, my relationship (although heart-filled) came with a lot of deep insecurities.

When I was 26 I started a small business from nothing. Over 12 years the business grew very successful, very quickly. I started a clothing label, boxing gym, and retail shop with my partner at the time. We opened six agencies in WA, and then launched into QLD and NSW. For the first time in my life, I felt the feeling of being able to give to my family everything I never had. We lived the absolute high life. But having zero understanding of money, or the support or education around how to manage it and maintain success, I lost it all!

Four years out of bankruptcy later and I’m still dealing with it all. The loss of trust from my family mostly, and the reality of ripped off close to $500k. All that aside, I know it was due to my own lack of education and bad management on my part that led to everything falling apart.

So yeah, I’ve experienced a lot of life. Despite all that’s happened in and around me, it’s been the loss of myself and the loss of family that’s always hit the deepest. 

But I know I’m not alone. The addiction, the loss, the depression, and the dark moments are faced by A LOT of other men everyday, damn, day.  

Through pure drive, I have fought every day to achieve better for myself and for my children. I have learnt that there is always a tomorrow, and that there are loads of support networks out there that genuinely want to help. I am blessed to have a loving and supporting family, and most of all I have been blessed with a resilient inner-voice that guides me to know there’s always a better day ahead. 

Every day I learn something new. Every day I train hard to take care of my mind and body. Every day I take a minute to deeply appreciate all of the little things in life that we can so easily overlook. I love being a dad, and I know I’m great at it. 

What I’ve learnt among everything else, is that we have to learn to love ourselves. It’s a non-negotiable. Self-love is the catalyst for everything. It’s what motivates how we treat ourselves, how we treat others and the decisions we make in life. Having a positive internal energy radiates, and gives the greatest vibes we could ever imagine.